My third attempt at blogging… http://paula-rambles.blogspot.com/
Big Announcement!
For those of you who don’t subscribe to Facebook or MySpace or follow me on Twitter (yes, that means YOU AMD!) I have news!
I’M ENGAGED! 
Stay tuned for more details! Here’s a blurry pic of the ring to wet your appetite (LOL)!
It's Official, me and the Scoop are getting hitched!
I’m in a funny place
So a weird (and somewhat unexpected) thing happened today. Well, it actually started yesterday when I got a call from a recruiter about a job. Obviously this isn’t the first time a recruiter has called me, but quite honestly I typically ignore them or briefly look into the job, only to find out it doesn’ t pay enough or is too far away from home. But this guy called me twice. And emailed me. And the job was for a Lease / Project Coordinator for a wireless carrier (my same industry). Now, beings that I get the daily job listings from Monster and Career Builder, I wasn’t aware of any current local (or non-local for that matter) openings with this (or any similar) title within the wireless industry. So my interest was piqued. I wanted to know what company it was with and I wanted to know how much it paid.. Because based on his brief cryptic emailed job description it sounded perfect for me! So I took a chance and emailed him back. And then I spoke with him. And his recruiter partner. Long story short, the wireless industry is a small world and both recruiters know all my bosses and half the people that work in my building! As a matter of fact, one of the managers at the company who is hiring, used to work upstairs with AT&T! Anyway, the job actually pays near my current salary (which is very hard to find in an administrative role) and its in a field I’m very experienced in. So I’m somewhat excited! I’m not sure if I’m more excited about the job itself (and the fact that is sounds like exactly what I’d like to be doing (instead of what I’m currently doing), or the fact that I may have a bargaining chip with my current employer! You see, I was promised a raise a while back, and well, things changed a bit, and it didn’t exactly happen. But this, THIS could be a chance to get that salary I was promised. Or, it could be a chance to get into a job that is more what I’m looking for. My current position is fine. But that’s about it. It’s fine. I can do it. It pays well. But I don’t love it. I miss some of the tasks I used to do in my admin role. So the chance to get some of that back, and keep a similar salary to what I have now, well, freakin phenominal I say! We’ll have to see how this all pans out, but the recruiters are going to pass my resume along and try to schedule an interview asap. Wish me luck!
So here’s the weird place thing… As you know, John and I work together. He’s been working there for just over a year now (he started as part time but has been full time since January) and I just hit my 3-year anniversay on August 7th (btw, I’m now fully vested with my 401K, woo hoo!). And for the most part, it’s been fine working together. Seriously, it’s ok. But it’s also been sort of difficult for me at the same time. Especially lately, when we haven’t had a whole lot to do, and there are fears of layoffs, especially for John. The layoff concerns (I think) are on hold for right this second (we just got some more work to hold us over for a little while – and I’m busier than ever all of a sudden!), which is good, but it hasn’t made the whole “working together thing” any easier for me. And I don’t really know exactly why I have a problem with it, or what bothers me. I tried to explain it to John earlier tonight (and I’ve tried in the past), but it just leads to an argument or discussions of other issues. It’s not like we work super closely on any projects and we can’t see each other from our desks or anything (I only see him if I leave my desk and walk to another part of the office). But I guess I feel like we are just constantly “together”. We drive to/from work together. We sit on the sofa every night one cushion apart together. We usually do all errands and car trips together. Sure, he’s been going out several nights a week to play poker lately, and I do enjoy the alone time, but it’s just not the same as being able to go to work every day for that alone/separate time. Which is different from me time. “Me time” = going shopping at TJ Maxx by myself or sitting at home watching chic flicks while John’s at poker. But it’s the separate time I think I crave. The separation of the “me” versus the “us”. Just sometimes. Of course I WANT to be an “us” – I’m NOT saying I don’t want to be a couple – NO WAY! But I do want to have my own separate “me” – which typically happens when someone goes to their job. People (by default) have a work personality and an at-home personality. I guess I feel like I have to have the same demeanor and personality everywhere. And I miss being able to be a “different person” at work. I like the idea of being able to go to work and be one way (i.e. professional, respected, importatnt) and then come home and be the exact opposite (i.e. goofy, fun, super-casual). I guess I’m having trouble balancing both worlds. Now, I totally don’t want to sound like Jon (of Jon and Kate Plus 8) here, but I feel like when we’re at work we are “John and Paula” instead of “John” and “Paula”. And I’m used to being just “Paula” at work. Paula who did a kick-ass job and everyone loved. And I kind of feel like I’m only half of that person anymore. The other half of me is John. John who also does a good job, but because he’s not as outgoing and involved in the day-to-day office issues as I am, just doesn’t get the same level of credit as I do (sad but true, and unfortunate for him). So I guess it makes me feel like I’m losing out on some kudos or something because I brought him on board and he’s not the same “super-performer” like I always seem to get crowned. If that makes any sense. I really don’t think anyone else is thinking this about either one of us, but I just feel “off” at work anymore. Like someone is judging me based on John (not that he’s doing anything that would warrant that). And I don’t know how to fix it. Aside from finding another job.
I just don’t feel the same amount of enjoyment at work that I used to. It may have nothing at all to do with John working there. It could be entirely the fact that I don’t really like my current position. Or the fact that I feel screwed over by the company because I didn’t get the raise I was promised. I don’t know. But I just know that I feel stressed every morning when we drive in to work together (and often when we drive home, although usually less so). And any little thing he says or does can easily piss me off or irritate me. So I make the assumption that it’s the working together that is bad and causing my stress. But maybe it’s not the working together. Maybe it’s just me. In my head. But this is how I’ve been feeling lately. So I guess, my thinking is this…
If I can get another job, which pays about the same, and is something that I think I will enjoy more than my current job, I should go for it. Right? I mean, that sounds like the obvious choice to me. I’m seriously bored at work anyhow. Even with the additional workload that was added to my plate this week (which is good for keeping me off Google Reader during work hours, haha). I’m not even remotely excited about doing the actual work. At least when I was given a new admin project, I would usually be somewhat excited to jump in and make it awesome. In my new position, I’m at the mercy of a bunch of idiot landlords or corporations who could give two shits whether we get our work done on time. And it sucks a lot.
So that’s that. I guess I’ll update when I know more about the job.
Vacation – Day 4 (what I remember…)
I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while, mostly to finish up where I left off (and to have a record of the whole trip!). So here goes…
We slept in (I think) and took our time packing up our stuff and leaving the room. Check out time was at noon. The original plan was to check out, take our bags to the car, and then head back inside for some breakfast/lunch and maybe a few last hours at the slots. But by the time we got to the car we were tired (it was hot and the suitcases were heavy!) so we nixed going back inside and headed towards home.
We stopped off at the only Wendy’s we could find using gipps (GPS), which was about 3 miles off the AC Expressway (but worth it – after 3 days of overpriced resort food!).
After lunch, we drove the rest of the way back to Philly, detoring to Chester to use our Harrah’s coops (coupons)! Yes, after a full 3-1/2 days of gambling, we weren’t done! LOL! I don’t even remember how we did. I probably lost more money… but it was still fun.
And that’s about all I can remember! Overall a very fun vacation!
Vacation – Day 3
We woke up, careful to avoid being too loud (ya know, for the sorority sisters next door) and took our time getting out of the room. We explored the Family Fun Center on the 4th floor for a half a minute and discovered there was a second pool (although not nearly as sweet as the main pool), along with a bunch of video games, etc. Then we went down to the first floor and walked around for a while, played a few machines and then it was lunch time. We decided to get a pizza from the onsite pizza shop and took it back to our room to enjoy with some crisp Mt. Dews (that we brought from home) from our mini fridge (and saved $2.99 on a soda downstairs). For the third morning in a row, the housekeeping lady showed up when we were still in the room. Actually, she showed up multiple times on multiple days at inopportune times and had to come back. Normally I would have used the DND doorknob sign, but for some reason ours was missing. So we had to fend off the cleaning staff every day, since they typically arrived just as we were rolling out of bed! After lunch, we decided to go check out the Borgata casino down the street. I had heard it was very nice. It was nice, but they didn’t give any free slot dollars with players card sign up (like some do) and their machines took our money. We were very disappointed by this, since I have (make that had…) a theory that “new members” always win (at least a little bit) to keep you coming back – but my theory failed miserably. We left Borgata and proceeded back down to the boardwalk area to check out the Tropicana. I thought they might be giving away free slot dollars (based on their website advertising) but no such luck. And once again, we got our money’s eaten away. So we decided to take a break from the slots and get some dinner.
We ate at PF Changs, which seems to get rave reviews from the yuppie set, but we weren’t overly impressed. My honey chicken was very dry, and the portion sizes were tiny in comparison to typical Chinese take-out. But triple the price. But I’m glad we went, I’d been wanting to check it out. Probably won’t go back there unless it’s a special occasion or someone else wants to go.
After dinner, we tested our luck on some more slots, and didn’t fare well. I won back some of my cash (for a while, the machine I was on was paying out left and right and I was up) but John wasn’t doing well so we left. We were both exhausted from two crappy nights of sleep, and I think we were both a little (if not a lot) irritable. Back at the hotel, we chilled in the room, watched some TV and then John wanted to play poker. So we went back downstairs, he signed up for a game and I hit the slots for some more “fun”. I found a few of my favorite machines in a new location (that I hadn’t tried before) and spent several hours up and down. Eventually I was just down. So I took a walk and tried several other machines. Nothing. It was 11:00pm and I was out of cash (in my pocket) and hungry, so I walked over to the food court for a snack. I ventured back out onto the casino floor (having stopped at the ATM first) and tried my luck at my “secret location” fave machines. I was able to recoup $40 of my losses from earlier in the evening, so I decided to call it a night, as I was getting stiff from sitting at the machines and exhausted from being up so late on so little sleep. I walked over to the poker area and motioned to John that I was going upstairs. He came up within about 20 minutes and we headed to bed. Just as we were on the verge of sleep, I think the sorority sisters came home again. But fortunately they weren’t nearly as loud and I think we were much closer to sleep, so it didn’t cause a problem for us this time.
Vacation – Day 2
We had breakfast at Reflections Café inside the hotel. It was good but overpriced ($11 for a cheese omelet, $13.50 for a specialty omelet, (both included home fries and toast, but still…) $4.50 for chocolate milk and $2.75 for coffee). After breakfast (more like brunch) we planned to take the free Harrah’s shuttle to the boardwalk, but the line was very long and it was hot and the shuttle only comes every 30 minutes (and it didn’t look like everyone in line would even fit on one shuttle), so we decided to drive down to the boardwalk instead. We got a free parking transfer from our hotel, so we parked for free at Ceasars on the Boardwalk (another Harrah’s property). I was a little disappointed that the Ceasars parking lot wasn’t really “on the boardwalk” (the parking garage was 2+ blocks from boardwalk and casino), but it was free, so who cares. And we can use the walking. However, when we were down here with Nineveh a few weeks ago, we parked at the The Taj Mahjal and it was much closer to the casino itself and the boardwalk. After checking out Ceasars (not the impressive), we walked over to the Taj Mahjal to use our free $50 Trump slot dollars, only to be told they weren’t any good anymore because the promo had ended (even though they were supposed to be good for 45 days from getting the players card). This put John in a bad mood, but we played some slots anyhow. John did pretty well on the Hot Penny Africa machine. I lost on the Gem machine (as usual). We moved onto other machines. I found one of my fave Triple Diamond penny machines and took a seat. I was about to give up on the machine and hit for $60! So I continued to play, going up a little, down a little, and cashed out at $60. We walked the boardwalk for a while. A long while actually. We checked out the other casinos on the strip that we had never been in. Bally’s Wild Wild West casino is COOL! For some reason I had it in my head that it would be crappy, but it was the most Vegas-like casino I’ve seen here in AC.
More boardwalk, dinner at Hard Rock. More gambling. Won $100, put it back in. About to give up. Inserted my players card, noticed it said eCash enabled – the free $50 was there!!! Played on that, cashed out $35 of it. Put $15 back in the machine. Finished out the night down $75 for the first two days. Not bad for two days of gambling. Hopefully today will be jackpot day! Made it back to the hotel, got into bed, prayed for sleep. I layed there for over an hour, just about ready to sleep, and the sorority girls next door came home. We called security twice. We heard them offer the security guards a shot and say “we’re not doing anything, we’re just hanging out”. Yeah, hanging out and being loud-ass screaming giggling sorority sisters from The Hills, and it’s coming through our shared wall! Finally around 2:30am they shut up.
Vacation – Day 1
We started our trip at Harrah’s in Chester. We had free slot dollar coupons worth about $125 ($70 of our own coups and $55 from John’s sister’s mother-in-law and father-in-law – thanks Tina and Fritz!). We went to lunch at the buffet (thought it would be free, but I the coupon was only good Wed-Fri – duh me). After lunch we played some slots for about 2 hours and both left with extra cash in our wallets! I had about $70 and John had around $40. We said farwell to Chester and got on the highway to “the shore”. We arrived at the hotel around 4:00pm. And apparently, so did everyone else (as apparently 4:00pm is check-in time – we didn’t know this, but in retrospect it makes sense). After we waited in line for what seemed like hours (it was probably only 45 minutes at the most) we finally got up to our room (after taking the wrong elevator and walking for miles through the two other hotel towers – and trying our key in the wrong room that had a similar room number), we found out that the room wasn’t the one I thought it was going to be. It was still nice, but I was expecting a modern décor (plus flat screen TV – as advertised) and the room we got was your standard Marriott-esq design. But it was free, so who’s complaining, right? We hung out in the room for bit and didn’t think it was very cold, but blamed it on just arriving and cranked the thermostat and went downstairs to explore and get some dinner. We explored the casino and then got dinner at the food court. We had cheese steaks which were pretty good, but not great. Then we hit the floor for some slot time! We gambled and then gambled some more. I swear we spent about half the night walking around the casino floor trying to get the lay of the land. This place is confusing! I ended up losing the $70 I won at Harrah’s Chester. John ended up in the green, but I forget how much. We went to bed at a relatively reasonable hour, but neither one of us slept well at all. I think it was the lack of noise for John (no fan or loud AC) and the lack of earplugs for me. Whenever I travel, I typically have earplugs because I can’t sleep well whenever I’m not at home. The plugs keep out the “unfamiliar” noises and let me sleep soundly. Oh yeah, I forget a tidbit of info. John accidently forget to put my bag with all my toiletries in the car (he didn’t know it was supposed to go with us, so it’s really not his fault, and I didn’t point it out to him, I just assumed he’d see an unfamiliar bag on the chair and include it). My earplugs were in that bag. But, the hotel store downstairs actually had everything I really needed, and it wasn’t that expensive to buy ($16.75 for toothbrush, hairbrush, deodorant, face soap, razor, hair ties, etc.). I do miss my hair conditioner and face products tho. And I’ve lived. It’s amazing how little you can get by with in a pinch!
Vacation! (7/12/09)
We are on vacation! Yeah!! This is our first “real” vacation together. It’d hard to believe we have never taken vacation together in a year and a half (hard to believe we’ve only been together a year and half too!) but I’m not counting the trips we’ve taken to visit friends and family in Illinois (which I think there were two – last summer for visiting and last fall for N’s wedding). This is the first trip we’ve taken that was strictly for US! We are in Atlantic City. I know, not even very far from home, but it’s still a vacation. We are staying at Harrah’s Resort in Atlantic City because I got the room for free. Three nights is only costing $39 in taxes! Of course, it’s not technically free because I’ve certainly spent well more than cost of 3 nights in the hotel in their Chester casino over the last year, but it’s free for right now. And that gambled (and lost) money is long gone and already written off. Anyway, we’re taking advantage of the free accommodations, and some free slot dollars we have (which are coupons or credits that can be used in the slot machines but you can only cash out the winnings) and doing our version of “going to the shore”. We aren’t beach people, so the chances that we’ll actually spend much (if any) time on the beach are slim to none. But we might hang out at the hotel pool and we’ll certainly walk on the boardwalk and explore some other attractions to keep us out of the casinos. At least, that’s the plan. We’ll see how it goes.
Maybe I’ll blog here again…
I started a new blog recently. It’s a PF blog – aka Personal Finance blog. You can check it out here: http://paulapennycounter.blogspot.com/. But I’ve recently been thinking about starting this blog back up too. I think I kind of lost interest in blogging when work got busy several months ago. But now work is slow as molasses and I’m thinking I might be able to find some time to write again during the 9 to 5. I often think of things I’d like to blog about as I go through my days. But usually I’m either a) not near the computer or b) not in the mood to type. So we’ll see what happens. Will I blog here again? Or not. I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Because right now I need to go make me and the Scoop some breakfast! Or is it lunch?
How are you supposed to feel when it’s someone you don’t really know?
If you live in the Philadelphia area, you have probably heard the news this week about a 35-year-old women whose body was discovered floating in the bay off Sea Isle City this past weekend. You may have also heard that her name was Tracy Hottenstein and that she lived in Conshohocken, PA and was a successful pharmaceutical sales rep. An official cause of death has not yet been reported in the news, but there’s lots of speculation on the interwebs (mostly people commenting on news stories with unsubstantiated theories). It’s a very sad story.
I went to school with Tracy. We attended the same junior high and high schools and shared many classes together. I can clearly remember a class (I’m pretty sure it was math-something-or-other) where she sat one or two rows over from me and a few seats behind me. I can picture almost all of the other students who sat around us in that class. It’s eerie. This is like 15+ years ago now. But Tracy and I weren’t friends. We certainly weren’t enemies either – I doubt she had any. But she traveled in a totally different circle than I did. She was one of the most popular kids in school. I was one of the “everybody elses”. I’m not sure if this fact somehow skews my viewpoint on the sad event of her untimely death, but I feel that it must. Because I’ve had this strange, unsettled feeling, ever since I heard the news and saw her familiar face on the internet and TV.
Back in high school, I wanted more than anything (like many others I’m sure) to be part of Tracy’s group of friends. I wanted to be a cheerleader. I wanted to be athletic. I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to have the coolest clothes. I wanted to have a huge circle of friends. So I think that I must have looked up to their group in some ways. I assumed they had it all (maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, neither here nor there really). But that’s only part of the reason that I think I feel so unsettled by this tragedy.
So far, I haven’t seen anyone mention the fact that Tracy’s father (Mr. Hottenstein to those of us who knew him) was a teacher at the high school (or it might have been the Jr High) we attended. I was in several of his classes over the years (he taught PE and health). So I sit here and think to myself – how is one supposed to feel when someone that they sort-of knew dies, and you also sort-of knew their father? Do you go to the funeral? I want to go, but I don’t think I should. I don’t think I should attend a funeral for someone that I barely knew, and appear to be grieving for her (because I would surely start crying at some point) – alongside all of the people who were so much closer to her – who have the right to grieve. I know attending funerals is supposed to be in support of those left behind, but I just don’t think it would be right for someone like me to attend. So earlier today, I thought about sending a card and a note, saying how I remembered Tracy and also her dad, and express my sympathies. I’m sure they are already being touched by an over-pouring of condolences (many from people like myself who barely knew Tracy but remember her well). So is my card really necessary? Would it seem out of place? I’m probably putting too much thought into it. But I can’t get this tragic event off my mind. It’s haunting me.
It’s funny the things you remember about someone – once you start thinking about them. I might be the only person who remembers some of these things (and honestly, I had to whip out my yearbook to verify a few of them), but I think this gives a pretty good idea of how well-known and well-liked Tracy was, and how much she will be missed. I mean, if someone like me, who barely even spoke to her, can know and remember all these things about her, I can only imagine what some of her closest and dearest friends and family are feeling right now. All the news articles have mentioned how Tracy was warm and friendly and a pleasure to know. And I can clearly recall her being one of the nicest and friendliest people out of that big group of friends that she shared. I’m certain that many of these people were still in her life today. And I am truly sorry for their loss and can only express my deepest sympathies to everyone who was close to her.
My memories of Tracy…
Early in high school (before we were even 16, I think) she won a car from Spring Mount Ski slope. It was a white Yugo Ford Festiva! I can clearly recall seeing her drive her cool little brand new car (often with 3 or 4 friends inside) into the parking lot on School Lane in the mornings.
She won “best legs” (one of three winners) in our senior yearbook!
She was crowned Homecoming Queen our senior year!
She was very active in sports, especially gymnastics and lacrosse. I played Lacrosse on the same team as her in Jr. High (she was on varsity though)
She was super-nice to everyone. Even the nerdiest kids in school.
God bless you Tracy and your family. You will surely be missed by so many!
